Check yourself, before you wreck yourself

Check yourself, before you wreck yourself

Function Etiquette: Things to avoid if you’re wanting to leave a positive impression at a function.

Below is a completely satirical article that’s not supposed to be taken too seriously. With that in mind, please enjoy!

Now I know what you’re thinking; I’m an adult and I know how to act. In many cases that’s true! However, there’s a point in which a person reaches the precipice of Adulthood. Some make the seamless transition into maturity. Conversely, many decide against making the leap, or are completely unaware there is even one to make (come on, we all know one-person ?).

Now without further ado, I present the top three biggest mistakes made by people at functions (many who don’t even know they are making them).

1) Punctuality
I know! This may seem extremely trivial, but this still is the biggest crime in which people still readily commit. Again, I know we live in a big city with abhorred traffic at times. This is unavoidable, but we are all in the same boat. You must be able to take that into account and plan ahead. I’m by no means saying you should turn up to the function an hour before the stipulated time. However, being on time isn’t “uncool” when you’re an adult,it’smerely being responsible. No matter how formal, or informal the event is; you should enter the function no later than 15-20 minutes of the arrival time stated by the host. The host should leave a good 30-45 minutesleewayto the actual start time of the event. So, this doesn’t leave a long time to mess around.

2) Drinking
Just like the next person, I love to enjoy a nice adult beverage when socialising. It’s a must! Though, you shouldn’t consume alcohol like it’s the first time you have ever laid your eyes on the stuff as if you were 18 again, and you were at your friend’s birthdaytrying to impress your high school crush that never knew you liked them, or didn’t even know you were in the same class. They didn’t even know my name, I’m such an……. Sorry, we all have our vices….. ok.
Well, back on track. Enjoying a couple glasses of alcohol is vastly different to polishing off a couple bottles and dancing on the table screaming obscenities at people. Even worse, expelling (vomiting for those playing at home) lunch on the hosts and all over the venue. This revolting image will never be unseen or forgotten. Please use your “grown-up” brain, and exercise restraint. You are only making a fool of yourself…. and everyone accompanying you to the event.

3) Topics of conversation
This is the one thing people seem to get wrong the most. Whether the function is formal or informal. Expressing controversial opinions about religion, politics, social issues or even inappropriate humour may rub people the wrong way. Know your audience! This might be fine in some environments, but not a function.Chances are, if you wouldn’t say it to a person on the street, then don’t say it at a function. You never know who is listening and who you may offend. Oh, and don’t use drinking too much as an excuse. Nobody will give you a pass for that.

Now I know most adults don’t need to be told these obvious facts. However, we all know the ones that need this information. So, if you kindly guide those who need this help to this article, you would be doing humanity a great service ?. Also, if you’re looking to book a function, look no further than the Provincial. Check availability today!

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